


New Beginnings

by ImOutOfMyVulcanMind (LoopyLu94)



Category: Love/Hate (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 05:45:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18804937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoopyLu94/pseuds/ImOutOfMyVulcanMind
Summary: It’s been years since the Incident. Years since you moved out of Dublin and started a new life. Years since you last saw your childhood best friend Darren Treacy. One day that all changes and the two of you find each other again. Darren claims he’s done with his old life, but will it really be that simple?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically a canon-fix it set after the events of Season 1 because my boy Darren deserved better.

It was raining again, but that wasn’t much of a surprise, you thought, closing your umbrella at the same time as you ducked through the doors of the old church. It had been grey and dreary all morning, the clouds looming low in the sky, threatening to unleash a downpour. You were just glad you had the sense to take your umbrella before running to catch your bus. The heavens had opened seconds after you’d stepped on, and it hadn’t let up yet. It suited though. It wasn’t like attending a support group for victims of violent crimes was a fun activity, and the weather matched the mood.

You’d been coming here for years now since you and your mother moved from Dublin after the Incident. It wasn’t entirely necessary now, but you liked the comfort of it, and on bad weeks it was good to have a place to go where you knew you could talk freely, surrounded by people who understood. It wasn’t an overly large group, and people often came and went, but there were a few regulars you knew well. You greeted them, as you hung up your coat, and set your umbrella to one side, chatting about how your weeks had been until it was time to find a seat and the group to start.

There was nothing you really needed to get off your chest, so you were content to stay quiet and offer your support to those who did. It was all going about the same as usual until nearly halfway through when the wooden doors creaked open loudly, interrupting everything. It was instinct, to turn with the others and see what, or who was causing the disturbance. Your jaw nearly hit the ground when you saw who it was that came slinking in, shoulders hunched high and whispering a quiet ‘sorry’.

Darren fucking Treacy.

You watched as he made his way to an empty seat at the invitation of your group leader in disbelief. You’d been teenagers the last time you saw him, and honestly, you thought he’d be dead by now. But here he was, in the flesh, trying not to draw attention to himself as the session resumed. He was behind you so it was impossible to keep an eye on him and try and get his attention without being too obvious. You weren’t even sure if he’d seen you. Doubtful.

Darren didn’t speak to the group, and despite your best efforts to get away from the others as quickly as was polite, he was already gone. Cursing under your breath, you dashed out back into the rain while you were still pulling on your coat, hoping to catch sight. You were in luck. Just down the road from you, Darren was walking quickly, hands stuffed in his leather jacket, head down to protect his eyes from the rain.

“Darren!” You called, taking chase after him. He didn’t stop. If anything he seemed to start walking faster. He should know you were more stubborn than that. You managed to catch up with him, grabbing his arm to stop him in his tracks. “Darren, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I didn’t know you’d be there, Y/N, I swear. I’d have stayed away if I did.” Darren didn’t even look you in the eye as he spoke, but at least he confirmed he knew who you were.

Still, it broke your heart. You hadn’t been allowed to see him after the Incident, in fact, he’d been purposely kept away, and you’d never even gotten a chance to speak with him, so it was understandable he’d think you still didn’t want him around. “I didn’t mean it like that,” you said, opening your umbrella above you both to stop you from getting too drenched. “I mean what are you doing out of Dublin? Work for…” you had to trail off, unable to speak the name.

That did make Darren look up at you. “No. I’m out, I’m done with all that,” he whispered. “That’s why I’m here. Fresh start and all that.”

It was a relief to hear. “That’s good. That’s really good,” you smiled. The rain was still pouring down, with no sign that it planned to stop soon. “There’s a pub around the corner, why don’t we get a drink?”

“Y/N I don’t…”

“Please?”

Darren returned your smile with an exasperated sigh and nodded. “Lead the way.”

Hooking your arm with his, you walked the short distance to the pub. Neither of you spoke, and you weren’t blind to the tension thick enough to cut through that existed between you both. It was natural after so many years and the circumstances of your departure. There needed to be a talk, but that could wait until you were somewhere dry and warm.

The pub was quiet inside, to be expected on a Wednesday afternoon, but you weren’t complaining. Immediately shushing Darren’s attempt to get the drinks in, you sent him to sit in a quiet corner while you got a beer each yourself. Sitting opposite him, you sipped your drinks in silence. Darren mostly staring down into his bottle, with only the occasional, furtive glance up, and you watching him. He looked older than he was, tired, sad. The years hadn’t been kind to either of you it seemed.

“I don’t blame you, you know. For what happened.”

Darren met your eyes for the first time since you’d seen him. “You should. I was there.”

“But I don’t. You were an idiot for getting involved with that lot, but I don’t blame you. You were a dumb teen just like I was. You didn’t plan it, did you?”

“No. No, I had nothing to do with any of that, I was just-”

“Following orders?”

Darren sighed, “Yeah.”

“Then there’s nothing to blame you for.” You reached across the table, settling your hand over Darren’s. “I’m sorry you thought I did, and for the way my Ma treated you when you came by.”

“She was protecting you. I’d’ve done the same.”

“I’m still sorry. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“It’s done now. I only wanted you to be okay. Are you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

“Good,” Darren smiled, turning his hand so he could squeeze yours. “I’m glad, I am.”

You returned the smile and the reassuring grip. “What about you? How the fuck are you here? I thought with that lot once you were in you didn’t get out again.”

“It’s complicated.”

“I got all day.”

Darren laughed softly, shaking his head at you. “It’s good to see you haven’t changed, it is.”

“Not planning to anytime soon either. Now spill.”

Darren told you everything. Catching you up with the years after the Incident, getting caught with a gun in the house, fleeing to Spain, returning to see Robbie out of prison, Robbie being murdered, and his hunt to find the culprit.  He told you about how his relationship with John Boy deteriorated once he discovered it was his half brother who’d killed Robbie. Then he told you about Rosie. The two had just started dating when you left, and it was nice to hear that he had someone to love him like he deserved to. He spoke of leaving her behind, then coming back to find that she’d moved on and was having a baby with another man. What happened to her, and how he sought revenge. And finally, about the retaliation. Getting shot and left for dead. At least that explained what he’d been doing at your support group.

“Fuck, Darren, I…I’m sorry. Jesus.”

“It’s done now. But…after all that I had to get away. I couldn’t stay anymore. And Mary moved to France with the girls, and I thought about following them, but I’m just gonna be a burden right now. I need to get my head sorted first, you know?”

“Yeah. I know. And I’m proud of you. You’re doing the right thing. Keep coming to group, it’ll help a lot, I promise.”

“I will.” Darren’s phone chimed just then, the other pulling it out and scowling at the screen. “I have to go. I need to cover a shift at work.”

“Okay. I should probably get going too, or Ma will start wonderin’ where I got to.” You got up with Darren and exited the pub, happy to see that it had stopped raining at last. You made sure to get his number, not willing to risk losing track of him again. “I’ll see you next week, yeah?”

“Course. It was good to see you, Y/N. Really good.” Darren stooped down to kiss your cheek, and you took the opportunity to wrap your arms around him in a hug. He responded in kind, both of you holding the other a little tighter than was necessary for a little longer than was necessary. After so many years it felt good to be hugging him again. You’d missed him. Maybe more than you let on.

“Text me, yeah? If you need a tour guide, or just for whatever,” you said as you pulled apart, somewhat reluctantly.

“Yeah, yeah of course. Bye.”

“Bye.” You watched Darren turn and leave, before starting to make your own way home. It wasn’t that late and the buses were running still, so you headed to the nearest stop, feeling a little lighter than you had that morning. Of all the things you’d expected to happen that day, seeing Darren again had been right at the bottom, but it had been the most unexpected surprise and one that you needed. Already you were looking forward to seeing him again.

Maybe things were finally looking up for the both of you.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a slow week of work and studying, but having Darren back made it all seem less mundane. You didn’t get a chance to see him again, between your schedule and his, there had simply been no time. But you’d been able to text still, and that was enough to keep you going. You learned that Darren had gotten work in a factory making small parts and the such. He found it dull, but it was honest work and kept him out of trouble. You were proud of him, he’d only been out of Dublin a few months and he was doing well for himself.

Apart from his sleeping arrangements. Those you weren’t happy with. What money he’d had he’d given to Mary, which left next to none for a deposit on a flat for himself. So he’d been crashing on the couch of someone looking for a little extra cash. Far from ideal, especially when they kept him up most of the night with their parties. You didn’t like it, but there wasn’t much you could do about it either. You didn’t have the money to rent your own place, let alone help Darren out, and after everything, your mother would not want him in the spare room.

It wasn’t until you saw him again, when you met outside the church, that you decided to say screw it to anything else and get him out of there. The bags under Darren’s eyes looked painful; it was obvious he’d barely gotten a wink of sleep since the previous Wednesday, and your heart broke for him. He was never going to get himself straight if he didn’t have peace to at least try and sleep.

You waited until the group was done, and you’d managed to get Darren into a small cafe for something to eat. “I’m gonna talk Ma into letting you have the box room,” you said once you were both halfway through your burger and chips

Darren paused, ketchup covered chip halfway to his mouth. “What?”

“You can’t be stayin’ where you’re at, and we have the spare room, so why not?”

“There’s no way she’s gonna say yes, Y/N, not after what happened.”

“She will once I talk to her! Once I explain everything, that you’re out of all that business, she’ll come around. Trust me, yeah? When have I ever been wrong?”

“In fairness, you did believe you could get pregnant from holding hands for a solid year.” Darren laughed, quickly bringing his arms up to block the chip you flung at him.

“I was eight!” You laughed too, waiting for him to lower his guard before chucking another, this one finding its goal that was Darren’s face.

“Still wrong!” Darren winked, plucking the food from where it had landed on his shoulder and munching it with a shit eating grin. The smile softened after a few moments into something more genuine. “But thank you. I do appreciate it.”

“Anything for a friend,” you smiled back, taking a bite of your burger. Now you just had to hope that convincing her would be as easy as you made it out to be.

~

“Are you out of your damned mind, Y/N!? That criminal, under my roof? You’re jokin’!”

“He’s done with all that now, Ma! He’s trying to get himself sorted and he can’t do that where is right now!” You argued back against your mother, leaning against the kitchen counter while she glared at you from the table.

“I don’t bloody well care! After what he did he can sleep in a bus stop!”

“He was a stupid kid back then! He deserves a second chance!”

“A second chance!? Don’t you remember the last time you give a man a second chance?”

You flinched at that and took a moment to turn away and take a breath. “It’s not like that with Darren. We aren’t together, I just want to help a friend!”

“A friend who’s a criminal!”

“Was. Was a criminal, Ma. There was a time when you liked him, you know,” you said turning back to face her.

“That was before he got involved with Power and his lot.”

“And he shouldn’t have, I’ll admit that. Now he just wants to put it all behind him and make amends.”

She looked at you for a long moment. “Does he at least have a job?”

“Yeah, at a factory downtown. So he can pay rent.”

She pinched her nose and let out a sigh, still not looking entirely convinced. “One shot, and that’s it. If he as so much as steals a piece of gum, he’s out, I swear.”

“He won’t, I promise.” You crossed the kitchen to the table, bending down to hug her and kiss her cheek. “Thank you, Ma.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go tell him to get his things over here before I change my mind.”

~

“Thank you for lettin’ me stay, Mrs. Y/L/N. I appreciate it.” Darren spoke from where he stood next to you in the kitchen, both facing your mother. You’d just helped him carry the few things he had upstairs to the box room, and now you were here, helping him get through the first face to face meeting he’d had with her in years. “Um, I brought this too.” Darren pulled an envelope from his jacket and set it down on the table, sliding it across so your mother didn’t have to stretch. “An advance on the rent. It’s not much, but it’s the most I could get for now.”

You watched as she pulled the dozen or so ten-pound notes from the envelope and counted them before tucking them back away safely. “Now you listen to me Darren Treacy, I don’t give a shit about your money and I’m not gonna kick you out if you need it more for something else. A deposit or lessons or whatever. But if I even hear a rumour that you’ve gotten yourself in some kind of trouble, you’ll be out on your ear faster than you can blink. You understand?”

“Of course. I’ll be no trouble.”

Your mother glared at him for a few moments longer, waiting until he was suitably nervous before nodding. “Good. Now bugger off the pair of you while I cook. I expect you both at the table.”

Both of you scarpered, the feeling reminding you of being dismissed after a telling off when you were teens. You would’ve laughed if you had wanted to risk an actual telling off. You reached Darren’s room and stepped inside, shutting the door behind you.

“Gettin’ shot was less scary than that,” Darren laughed once you were no longer at risk of being heard.

“You shouldn’t be making jokes!” You slapped his shoulder lightly, moving to flop onto his bed. “Not unless you want to see her really mad.”

“Heaven forbid.” Darren sat next to you, the two of you quiet for a few minutes. Faintly, you could hear music drift up from down below as your mother switched the radio on. “Thank you. For doing this. I’ve missed having a room.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled, propping yourself up onto an elbow. “Now, here’s all the TV shows you need to avoid talking about….”

~

The meal went well, and Darren even managed to get through a couple of hours of TV watching with you and your mother without starting an argument. You caught the side eye your mother was giving him on occasion, but everything was civil and pleasant, and better than you could have hoped for.

It was so nice that you really shouldn’t have been surprised when you were jerked from your sleep that night with cold sweat running down your back, and gasping for breath. It had been months since you’d had a dream as bad as that, and of course, it had to appear the night things were finally fully feeling right again. Rubbing the tears and the last remaining images from your eyes, you pushed yourself up out of bed. The old scar on your side twinged in pain as you did, but you ignored it, not needing any more reminders of events past.

A trip downstairs and a glass of water later, you almost felt human again. Enough to at least try and go back to sleep. You were about to enter your bedroom when you noticed that there was a light on in Darren’s, barely visible, yet there as it creeped out from under the door. Approaching slowly, you listened. From the other side, you could hear the tell-tale signs of ragged breathing and quiet sniffs.

“Darren?” You called quietly, tapping the door gently as you opened it and peered around. “You okay?”

Darren was sitting on the edge of his bed with his back towards you. In the light of the bedside lamp, you could see his skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, his shoulders rising and falling as he caught his breath. He glanced at you over one of them. “I woke you?”

“Nah. Bad dreams are going around tonight I guess.” You slipped into the room fully, closing the door behind you. “Wanna talk about it?” It was a bold choice to just come in with no invite, but you knew Darren well enough to know that he’d never ask for help first. He watched you as you walked across the room, noiseless on the soft carpet, and sat next to him.

“I don’t know where to start.” He looked at you sadly, the remnants of tears still lingering in his eyes.

“Wherever. It doesn’t matter,” you said softly, taking his hand. “It was about the shooting?”

Darren nodded, “Yeah. It always is,” he sighed, using his free hand to run his fingers through his hair. “It varies what happens, but it always ends the same. I’m on the side of the road, bleedin’, hurtin’, terrified. And I…I can’t breathe. I know I’m dying, but I can’t do anything to stop it. I want to see Mary again, I want to see her girls, but I can’t move. I’m just…lyin’ there, choking on my own blood, staring up at the sky for eternity, just…just waitin’ to die.” Darren had been looking down as he spoke, but suddenly he looked straight up at you, eyes meeting your own. “But then…but then it starts to get dark, and it’s even scarier. Because I know that’s it. It’ll all go dark and I’ll be dead. And always, just as it does, I wake up. But I’m not really awake. I’m stuck, frozen and I realise I’m looking down at myself and I’m dead. I’m looking down at my dead body. It’s too much to take, and soon as I think I’m about to go mad I properly wake up. “

“I’m so sorry. Jesus, Darren, that’s awful. I’m sorry.”

He looked for a moment like he was going to cry, but then he turned away and pressed his hand over his eyes. His other hand was still holding yours though, the grip tight. He took a steadying breath and opened his eyes again. “I’m an idiot.”

“No, you’re not. You’re brave. Really brave,” you whispered. “I think…I think maybe you need some help for them though.”

“That’s what the Doctor said at my check-up. They wrote a prescription for some happy pills and recommended your group, but I never went and got the pills.”

“Maybe you should give them a go. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Darren laughed weakly. “Nidge and the others wouldn’t say that. They’d say I’m a fuckin’ pussy if they knew about any of this.”

“They aren’t here. You are. And I am. And there’s nothin’ wrong with having some help. It’s the strongest thing you can do.”

“Did you? Take them?”

“Still do.”

“Oh.” He glanced away for a few moments, and you let him have them, giving him a chance to think. When he looked back, he smiled. “I’ll try them. I’ve still got the paper, so I’ll get them tomorrow.”

You smiled. “Thank you. I think they’ll help. And the group is good for getting stuff out in the open. Once you get used to it, I think you’ll like it.”

“I’ll try.”

Smiling again, you nudged his shoulder with your own. “That’s all I ask.”

Darren shifted on the bed, turning to face you a little more. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“You said bad dreams were spreading tonight so what was yours?”

In the wake of Darren’s nightmare and learning what it involved, your own had completely fled your mind. Flashes of images came flooding back at the memory making you cringe. Closing your eyes and sucking in a breath, you calmed yourself. No more of that. Not tonight. When you reopened your eyes Darren was watching you still, eyebrows furrowed together in concern. “It’s complicated.”

“By complicated do you mean it’s about what happened and you don’t want to hurt me?”

“No! Well, yes. Kinda? It…it was about that, but…there’s more to it. Stuff you don’t know and stuff that’s happened since. A complicated kinda complicated.”

“Try me?”

You chuckled tiredly. Darren was being sincere, you could see that. And it wasn’t that you didn’t want to tell him, you just didn’t want to dredge up so much of the past, not tonight. “Another time, yeah? When we’re not exhausted.”

Darren nodded. “Okay. You know you can tell me anythin’, yeah?”

“Yeah. It really is nothing to do with you. I just need to be able to get my thoughts straight.”

Darren nodded again, and the two of you fell into silence. You should probably go, you thought. You didn’t want to overstay your welcome, but you didn’t want to leave either. It was comforting to be around Darren. He maybe knew better than anyone what it was like. You grew up in the same place, around the same violence. Both been victim of the same violence. And if the way Darren was still holding your hand was anything to go by, he felt the same.

“You know, sometimes it helps to have another person with you when you go back to sleep after a nightmare. For me, it helped anyway. It’s…comforting to know there’s someone there with you,” you suggested after a minute, looking over at Darren.

In the soft light, you saw him smile in what looked like relief. “I’ll give anything a go right now.”

Somehow you managed to both move in sync, each climbing back onto the bed without need for words or discussion, and lying on your sides facing each other. Darren was on his right side which let you see the scars marring his chest properly for the first time. They were so close to heart…how easily things could’ve been different.

“Hey, I’m fine, Y/N,” Darren said when he spotted you looking. “I am.”

“I know,” you said on a sigh, meeting his gaze again. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“So am I.”

You smiled and closed your eyes, relaxing into the comfy mattress. It could’ve been awkward, lying as you were with someone, with another it probably would’ve been. But not with Darren. It was intimate for sure. There wasn’t a great deal of room so you were close together, foreheads almost touching, yet it wasn’t awkward. Honestly, it was the best you’d felt in a very long time.

Felt so good that as you fell back into sleep, you didn’t even think about how you’d tell Darren about what had happened since you left, or how he’d react if he ever found out the real truth about the night of the Incident.


End file.
